ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD



To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the blackBurberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car..

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you .... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

Thats priceless. My cousin (he is a cop)had a similar situation he was riding the train home late one evening, when a guy approached him demanding his jacket, my cousin gave it to him and let the guy take two steps when he pulled his 9mm, the guy dropped the jacket and ran off to later jump off the train. My cousin till this day laughs at the idiot who jumped out of an elavated and moving train.

:lol: :lol: :D :D

In high school some kids tried to steal our backpacks when the Jansports were big. My friend Mike said no problem, just let me empty my books first, I need them. The kid said fine, so Mike emptied his books, stood up, and put the bag over the kids head and started pummeling him. His two friends opened the back door of the bus and ran, leaving this one idiot to get pummeled to a mess by us.

It was fun. :D

Jansports? LOL remember those? That and a colored beeper in your pocket backwards. :lol:


I grew up in Marine Park Brooklyn (63 pct) near Kings Plaza. Bicycles among other things started getting popped left and right. Kids from the neighborhood north of us use to take the bus into our area. They’d walk the side streets until they found a bike. Then one kid rode the bike, one would sit on the handle bars and one back pegs. They’d keep grabbing bikes until all 3 had one and then they’d head back towards the 67/69/70 pct. Anyway one day when I was about 15 or 16, I was riding my bike home from some where. I was about to pull in my drive way when 3 kids with one bike happened to be coming towards me, they said ‘YO! LEMME SEE THAT BIKE” I flew up my drive way and went in my house though the back door. I thought to myself, F this shit…this has gone too far. So I went into my basement and grabbed a rifle pellet gun I went outside and pointed it at the kids…(not knowing it wasn’t a real gun) they turned white as snow. They were shaking like a leaf. They said ‘CHILL CHILL” I said “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW, HEAD BACK TO YOUR OWN NEIGHBORHOOD.” So they split. About 15-20 mins later I was at work at the local deli on Flatbush Ave, I was standing outside talking to my Friend Mike. I was telling him about these kids. No joke, who comes riding north on Flatbush? YUP the 3 kids. One spotted me He told the others and they pedaled faster. It was GREAT!

About 2 days later the guy next door grabbed me and yelled at me for pulling the gun. He watched the entire thing unfold from the window. He said “what the fuck is wrong with you?” he made some really good points why it was a bad idea, then he promised not to tell my parents. He was a cool guy. He was about 15 years older than us. He was a fireman, we'd BS to him, he use to tell us stories. Let me ride one night on the Engine.

I told my parents a few years later. After the statute of limitations were up. :D

No matter how stupid that was, I felt good and I’m sure those 3 ass holes think twice before trying to take some ones shit

I shot a kid with a BB gun on halloween once, must hurt like hell 'cause he screamed. Good thing you didn't shoot them, they would have realized it was a BB gun and kicked your ass!

More commonly known as "The 5 Year Rule". I've used it myself a few times.